As you may have noticed, my two most recent posts have disappeared. They have not been deleted. They have only been hidden from public view.
I did this mainly because nobody seemed to be understanding at all where I am coming from, except perhaps for two people. It may have been doing more harm than good. And the discussion was very far derailed from what my original point was. I only meant to bring up some potential problems with the use of the word agender so that other people could consider it FOR THEMSELVES; it should never have been about trying to convince me that the term works, it should have been about deciding whether it does or not for yourselves. It was not at all my wish to attack other people or say that their experiences aren’t real. I’m all for people challenging the binary, if that’s what they want to do. I simply wanted to point out why the word “agender” is so incredibly confusing to people that they are actively avoiding its use.
From a purely pragmatic point of view, if your goal is to have your experience accepted, does it really help to frame it with a word that confuses people that much?
By the way, I don’t think the confusion is the product of people being narrow-minded, but rather that the way the word is used is not consistent. Can you expect people to understand what you are talking about if the word’s definition refers to three different things as synonyms?
According to several posters on AVEN, one of those synonyms is “genderless.” Yet one of my commenters said that “agender” does not in fact mean “genderless” or without gender… but that’s exactly what its components mean. If the word itself does not express the meaning you are attempting to give it, doesn’t that make the definition counter-intuitive?
There’s a certain model that’s generally upheld within the asexual community, and I see now very clearly that it is being transferred onto gender here, exactly as it is. But the wider community does not have any such model by which to understand what “agender” refers to. Can they be expected to understand what you are talking about at all?
From my understanding, the reason for using labels at all is so that one can communicate something. If this is true, isn’t it important to carefully consider what you are trying to communicate and choose the words with which you do so wisely?
Are there perhaps other words which would describe your experience even better than the word you have chosen?
What is different about the way society should treat agender people? How is it different from the way society should treat people who consider themselves somehow androgynous or gender-neutral?
These are all just questions to ponder on your own. It’s up to each individual, of course, to decide if it is worth it to use a word that is so potentially problematic. Personally, I would not choose it, but if you feel that is really, truly the best way to describe your experience, of course you should use it!
I’ve disabled comments on this post because honestly, I don’t care what conclusions you come to. It’s YOUR choice, not mine. If you really, really, really want to try to explain it to me, you can email me about it. I will read it, but I may or may not respond.
